I smile past the pain.
How many of us can say that….or should I say, think that?
I believe the majority of us face some degree of depression. Whether it be your job that causes it, a relationship not quite up to par, or an overbearing mother who you can never be good enough for. I have these bouts of depression. The feeling creeps up over a small amount of time and then tsunami’s over me in harsh waves literally knocking the breath from me. I am numb as I stare up at the ceiling. Tears slide down my face, collecting in pools, consisting of all the failures that suddenly surface in my head.
Here is the thing. I have not experienced a death, or a loss of a job, or a break in my marriage. Nothing that you would think would bring forth such a paralyzing experience. But those examples are major trigger points of depression, but there are a plethora of other triggers that create the exact same emotion.
Loving someone more than they love you. (Not my husband.)
Low sex drive.
Lack of deep meaningful friendships.
That is my list, bare for all of you to see. I have been ashamed of it all for so long and I still am.
But what if me talking about it, helps? What if you read this and find that you, too, have a bucket full of triggers that make you feel the same way? What if we reach out to one another and in turn build each other up? Because deep down, I am positive person. I want to be happy. It is what pushes me back to surface, what wipes my tears from my face and puts myself back in the game of life. Because I do have a loving marriage. I have a husband that picks me up when I reach these down points. And I have a family that supports me and encourages me in every aspect of my life. And though I don’t have a best friend I talk to everyday, I do have friends that would lend an ear an be there for me.
But one bad day changes your positive views. You search for those positives, only to find them floating away and you are stranded on an island of negativity.
This to shall pass. And it always does. But for some, it takes much more than time to bounce back. If you find that you can’t come back quickly from these moments, get help. No one should have to reach bottom and not have anything to pull them up.
But if you feel talking about it helps, then find that person and talk about it. You will probably find that they are more willing to help you than what you thought, and they care more than you could have ever imagined.